|
5:55 PM Move ‘Em Out
As I got to the roof, I cleared out the remainder of the zombies from the back yard, just in case they needed to go around back, which wasn’t an entirely bad concept. Then I continued to make the path toward the SUV.
They stopped firing inside, while I moved to the opposite end of the house and continued to fire and make noise. It was working; they all started moving away from the SUV toward me. (What the hell was I thinking?)
Jim grabbed whatever he could, including his girlfriend, my wife, my daughter, the dog and cat, and went out from the garage, as planned; then started the SUV. The zombies turned to them and started back toward them. No matter what I did, they wouldn’t stop. They just kept moving toward them, as if they knew what they were doing. Jim crackled into the headset for me to get moving.
He didn’t like my response. I told them to go without me and that I’d catch up, full well knowing that I might not.
After a brief argument, and my .357 aimed at his head, he threw it into drive and pulled away, taking a few of them out in the process. I could hear the dog barking from where I was standing, he didn’t like the undead very much, either.
There I was, all alone with zombies trailing after my family. I pointed my weapon and started to pick them off, one by one again. They turned around and headed back toward me, which is what I wanted. (I must have been on crack because no one in their right mind would want that, or would they? Screw Hollywood. This is my story, dammit!)
It was time to implement the first idea we had… passed over.
I shimmied back down through the attic and back into the house. I flipped on every light, and let them see me on display like a TV dinner heating up in the microwave.
I squeezed off two more rounds into the skulls of the undead as I went to the furnace closet, where the furnace and the hot water tank were. They were gas operated. I disconnected the hoses and turned the gas up. I ran back to the kitchen and opened the valves on the stove. I opened the refrigerator, and proceeded to pull out all the meat we acquired from the supermarket and threw it all over the floor. I then opened the front door enough to let them know that there was a way in.
Many of them started pawing at it and opening it slightly and then again until one got it open.
(If there was anything I ever learned from TV, it was from MacGyver: If you ever needed a timer that would give you enough time to get out of a situation, use a book of matches.)
I reached for my matches and lit the book, tossing it next to the stove.
(Theoretically, the stove would catch fire, but not enough to do any real damage, then while the fire was burning, the gas would build up from the furnace and the water heater. After that… well, it should only take a few moments.)
I took one last look at our house, and ran out the back. As I jumped the fence landing on the other side, I felt the wave of heat fall over my body. The only thing I could do was fall to the ground, not look back, and hope I wasn’t dead. I could feel the thunderous explosion in my chest and throughout the rest of my body.
(Incidentally, does anyone know what an undead, burning, zombie feels like when it lands on you? I didn’t think so. I’ll explain. It fricken hurts.)
I waited for the debris to finish falling around me, and on me before I rolled out from under the undead thing on top of me. I thanked my lucky stars for that zombie, because protruding from its chest cavity was the metal chimney stack from the furnace. I looked around me at the debris from the house and zombie parts visible only from the light of my house set ablaze.
Over the roaring fire, I could hear a repeated thumping noise in the distance. As the sound got closer, I realized it was the sound of a helicopter. A searchlight hit the house and its surroundings and finally fell on me. I was still holding my .357 as I raised it over my eyes to shield them from the blinding light. (I almost caught myself in the eye with the muzzle. I’m such a dork.) I pocketed my pistol and continued to sit there in shock.
Little did I realize but I still had my headset on until my wife’s voice buzzed in my ear.
I assured her that I was alive and kicking… myself in the ass for that stupid move. Bu, I was alive. That’s all that mattered.
Jim, his girlfriend, my wife and the kid, were chattering away over the headset. I took it off. I think I’ve had enough.
As the helicopter hovered above my house, or what was left of it, I could see the reflection of headlights on the other houses. Jim turned around.
As I started to move to stand up, I heard the grumbling of what I thought was a dead zombie/body shield. I looked over to my left to see it sit up and look at me with hungry eyes. I shook my head and pulled out my pistol… again, and watched the back of its head explode onto the grass as I pulled the trigger.
I slowly stood up, shaking my head and started limping around the fence to the front of the house. I could really feel my age catching up to me. I was hungry and I needed a nap.
As I got to the front of the house, The SUV pulled in and my family flooded out. I was first greeted by my wife, with hugs and kisses all over… and a stern warning not to ever endanger myself again, and my daughter chiming in, “yeah, don’t ever do that again.”
Finally I was greeted by Jim, as he approached me with a wry smile; he hit me square in the jaw.
“If you ever point your gun at me again….”
Before he could finish, I gave him the biggest hug a man could ever give his best friend then smacked the back of his head, letting him know that if he hit me again, it’d be worse.
The helicopter was landing in the field behind the house. Many ground vehicles were approaching. Troops poured out of the carriers, inspecting the surrounding area. It was over. The cavalry had arrived… a little late. But they did arrive.
They’d want to cart us off to some shelter or someplace “safe”, I’m sure.
Where else would we go?
So, the final question was: “You’ve just destroyed a shit ton of zombies, and blew your house all to hell, what are you going to do next?”
And my final answer was: “Take a nap.” |
